he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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