You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
