He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
