I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
