You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
