Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
