So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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