This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
