If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
