hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
