why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
