It's just like the Real World with babies
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
