I think I died a long time ago.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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