I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
whose ass print is on the piano?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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