he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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