someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
