the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
