I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize