On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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