i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize