She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
