just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
