So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
