hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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