should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
