This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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