I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
