Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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