Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
