Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
