i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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