Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
