it hurts more in the daytime
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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