If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
