you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
