she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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