Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
