Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
