I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I am spending my child support on dildos
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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