If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
