My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
