2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
did you just send me my own nude
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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