You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
