I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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