someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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