The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Acid is not a monday night drug
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
