fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
