WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
