Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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