Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
