does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
