new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
