you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You pole danced in your parka.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
