god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
