he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
