His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
