i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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