I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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