I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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