You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
