I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize