I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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