the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
