can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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