I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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