it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
This is classic penis vs brain.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
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