Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
