Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i will never coherently bang her
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I woke up under a house in Key West
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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