Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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