I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
