I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
