we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
