rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize