the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
