I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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