just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
