My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
