apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize