even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
