why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
