What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
