My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
