Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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