Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize