Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
